Road Bone’s #1. Victory in Hanoi. I asked the guy at the hostel to take my photo.

Summary:
Distance: 3,690 miles
Days Cycling: 45
Avg Distance: 82 miles per day
Time Cycling: 278.6 hours
Avg Speed: 13.25 mph
100-Mile Days: 9
120-Mile Days: 4
Fastest Avg Speed: 17 mph
Longest Distance: 122.4 miles
Longest Time: 10:12 hours (6 AM to 6 PM with a few breaks)

During my final 5 days, I cycled 533 miles from Luang Prabang, Laos to Hanoi, Vietnam. After cycling for two months, my body was prepared for this self-imposed 5-day gauntlet through craggy mountains on unpaved road. I’m proud of the 3,700 miles I cycled, but I’m especially proud of my cycling accomplishments in the mountains of Northern Laos, turning two-day distances into one. Road Bone, the magician, making the impossible possible by simply turning the pedals.

A note I forgot to share: People loved it when I rode cocky. Many times I would ride with no hands. It was to relieve the pressure on my hands, and it was also nice to sit up on the bike instead of being hunched over on the handlebars. The response I would get from this was great. The hellos and the smiles were much bigger. And when it was late in the day, and the sun was fading, I’d take off my shirt. Shirtless and riding high with no hands was the ultimate in cockiness, and the ladies loved it the most. Typically, the ladies who rode by on their motor scooters were conservative, but when my shirt came off, I got some big waves, and I broke a lot of hearts.

I did some extra work the day before to set myself up for an “easy” 188 km (117 miles) final ride into Hanoi. It would be the first day for a while that I wouldn’t be climbing some massive mountain, so I thought it would go pretty smoothly, but I was wrong. Just about everything else got in my way.

Ready to take on the world at 5:30 AM.

I got up at 5:30 AM and got on the road after eating some Oreos. Although I was in the mountains, I wasn’t at the top. There was a long, gradual climb, then some down, then more up. When I finally got on the descent, there was a thick fog all the way down. I could hardly see with the rain and fog on my glasses. When I got to the bottom, I had to start climbing another mountain all over again. On an empty stomach, it was a tough grind. On the descent of the second mountain, I passed a long line of stopped cars. There had been a rock slide, but luckily, the police let me ride through the road block. Boulders sat in the middle of the muddy road, but motorbikes and my bike were able to squeeze through.

It was a relief when I got out of the mountains and out of the fog. But as soon as I got on the flat, I had to fight the wind. Although I was pushing hard, I was crawling. Wind is probably the most frustrating thing when you’re cycling. With mountains, the agony is finite; you climb one side, and then you’re rewarded with the descent. But fighting the wind is endless.

Bad boy Road Bone on his final ride.

The outskirts of Hanoi were disgusting. Gray, loud, garbage, stink. Heavy traffic and patchy road. I rode through the smoke from the small garbage fires burning on both sides of the road. The garbage chemicals and truck exhaust got to me. The people who called to me from the side of the road were really irritating, and a guy pulled up slowly in his car beside me and laughed when he looked at me. I started having violent thoughts towards the Vietnamese. When I got a disingenuous hello, I wanted to slash their throat. Blood on the streets on my final ride.

My body was exhausted and my head felt light by early afternoon. I hadn’t eaten, so I stumbled off my bike to get some fried rice. Then I drank two Cokes (I’ve had so much soda on this trip). I stopped again a few minutes later when I saw a fruit stand. I picked up an apple and asked the old lady how much. She held up four fingers, so I took a bite of the apple as I walked back to my bike to get 4,000 dong ($0.20). When I handed her the money, she shook her head. Now she wanted 10,000 dong ($0.50) – after I’d eaten some, of course. Although she didn’t understand my angry English, I think she understood that I was mad. Frustrated by dishonesty, I couldn’t look at her as I handed over the money.

In Hanoi, I arrived at the hotel where I had started the trip two month before. My ride was over, and no one was there recognize it, or celebrate it. It was a lonely, quiet victory. It felt good to be done.

There’s the champion. Having a blast.

As soon as I entered Vietnam, the road became paved. I really loved cycling through the mountains in Northern Vietnam from Dien Bien Phu to Hanoi on Highway 6. It had been awhile since I’d had a smooth, paved road and mountain scenery.

On the road, I had a lot of emotional swings. When I was down, it usually meant I needed to eat. But sometimes it was also the insincere hellos, and the people laughing at me. One morning all this was really getting to me when a taxi driver pulled up in front of me, looked back at me, and gave me a sincere thumbs up. It was odd how much that meant to me, but my attitude completely changed for the better.

As I was climbing the last big mountain in the late afternoon of my second-to-last day, I had to stop for water. I was focused and in a rush — no fun, no happiness — just get up the mountain. As I entered the shop, there were a couple of young guys drinking. One of them handed me his bottle of beer, and the shopkeeper brought out a full jug of water for me. I gave up my focus for a few minutes, and had some fun with these guys. They offered me a smoke out of their bamboo bong, but I’m too much of a prude, so I passed. I thanked them and soldiered on up the mountain.

When I was hanging out in this restaurant after my dinner, two groups of guys walked in, sat down, and ordered vodka and chicken feet. Chewing on chicken paw must be a popular late-night snack for guys just trying to have a good time. Gather ’round the good stuff.

Let’s not build a bridge. A boat ferry will be okay.

What’s your anti-drug in Laos?

On the highway, I had to take off my shoes to wade through the water.

Dirt highway with rock sprinkles.

Another river running through the highway. It’s cool that they thought of building a bridge.

I came from down there. It’s good to be on top.